Emotions Background Today many people think that they don't have time to do all they need to do. When time is short and conflicts are many, most people believe that it takes too long to acknowledge emotions. In classrooms teachers may find themselves asking Student A what happened, asking Student B what happened and then telling them both to stop it. The chances for achieving a longer lasting solution are increased when teachers ask students "How did you feel about this conflict?" This allows young people to describe their perceptions of a conflict in terms of facts and feelings. Before adults and youth can become comfortable talking about emotions they need to enrich their feeling vocabulary. To illustrate the importance of a richer feeling vocabulary it is helpful to think about the conflicts in your own life. Think of the last time you told yourself or someone else that you were feeling upset. Obviously the listener knew that all was not well with you, but the information that would allow that person to respond to you with empathy and understanding was not communicated. Did "upset" mean that you weren't feeling well or that you were angry, hurt, disappointed, or frustrated? Using vague descriptors can elicit unhelpful responses. Naming your feelings accurately is the first step toward good communication and successful resolution of conflicts. Sometimes placing an accurate name on feelings is all you need to do to know the necessary next step. If you realize that you're not really angry but terribly disappointed, you may be willing to take a look at your expectations. If you can accurately describe to a friend that your reaction to his/her behavior was hurt instead of anger, that friend might be more able to make an appropriate response and work toward resolving the conflict. As you prepare to teach students conflict management skills, the following steps for responding to feelings might be helpful to reflect on and practice. 1.Name the emotion: What, exactly, am I feeling? What's going on here? 2.Claim the emotion: This is my feeling. No one made me feel this way. How I am feeling is my response (anger, sadness, etc.) to this conflict situation. My feeling may or may not be an appropriate response in this situation, but I acknowledge that it is still mine. For some, who have developed the habit of dealing with emotions cerebrally, there is an additional step of allowing myself to actually feel the emotion. 3.Reframe the emotion: Is this the first time that I have felt this way? What are the specific factors of this conflict? Is there a history of previous conflicts with this individual that intensifies my present feelings? Can I reframe my present feelings in such a way that they become helpful in resolving the current conflict? Is it appropriate for me to reframe my feelings in this situation? 4.Tame the emotion: If you are uncomfortable with the intensity of your feelings, you can do things to reduce their intensity. Jogging, racquetball, swimming, cleaning are some possible ways to release intense negative energy so that emotions can be reframed and aimed. 5.Aim the emotion: What am I going to do with my feelings? Will I talk this out with someone? Do I need to understand my part in the conflict? Will I ask the other party to work with me to resolve it? Will I decide to do something differently next time? All of these are ways of aiming. Organizations such as Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) are effective because individuals have turned their feelings of anger and sadness into a motivating force toward positive action. CURRICULUM INDEX
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